Writing: «My best friend´s routine» (Sample)
Here is a sample of a good A2 writing written by Débora Camara. It contains mistakes, but in general terms it is a good writing taking into account that (teniendo en cuenta que) we are at the beginning of the course. In addition, she risks and she refuses to write a simple routine writing in which she would probably have made fewer mistakes (menos errores).Would you like to try to correct the mistakes made in this writing? If so, choose something highlighted in bold (resaltado en negrita) and try to correct it leaving a comment.
ROUTINE MY BEST FRIEND
I am going to talk (already corrected) about routine my best friend (already corrected) on Friday.
My best friend is Marta, she (already corrected) is a lawyer and she works from Monday to Thursday and she has a duty day (already corrected) on Friday, so she says her favourite day of the week is Friday.
Every Friday she gets up early at about six o’clock, [she takes her dog and she likes running until eight o’clock.] (already corrected) When she arrives home, first she has a shower, brushes her teeth, combs her hair and put on make up. Then, she goes to the kitchen to has (already corrected) breakfast, she usually has a cup of te (already corrected) and lots fruits (already corrected) because she doesn´t like coffee, besides (?) (already corrected) she has a health (already corrected) life.
After breakfast, she wears jeans, (?) (already corrected) T-shirt , and sneakers because she likes sport (already corrected) clothes. She wears (?) (already corrected) suit and high heeded (already corrected) shoes from Monday to Thursdays (already corrected).
In the afternoon, she meets her boyfriend and she takes photos of the monuments and she up (already corrected) on facebook. In the evening when she get (already corrected) home, she is very tired and she make call phone (already corrected) her sister and watches TV, until she falls asleep for seven hours (already corrected).
To conclude, I think Marta has a very tired and stressed (already corrected) routine, but she loves it.
In the evening when she get (She gets o comes back) home, she is very tired and she make(s) call phone (she likes to call) her sister and watches TV, until she falls asleep for seven hours. (she sleeps for (during) seven hours)
Hello again,
The first correction is correct (get > gets or «comes back») With respect to the rest of the correction we need to add a few things:
First, the excessive use of «and» diminishes coherence. I would omit the first «and» and I would use a full stop (.). Then I would continue writing a new sentence «….she is very tired. Finally, she calls her sister….» . I would not use «she likes to call» because you would change what the student meant (quiso decir). The student doesn´t say if her best friend likes or she doesn´t like to call her sister, she says that «ella llama por teléfono a su hermana», so we need to respect what she meant in the correction of the mistake.
Last but no least (Por último y no por ello menos importante), we can’t say «ella ve la televisión hasta que se queda dormida durante 7 horas», but «ella ve la televisión hasta que se queda dormida. Ella suele dormir durante 7 horas». Therefore (Por lo tanto), we would continue the sentence like this (así) «…..she calls her sister and watches TV until she falls asleep. She normally sleeps for 7 hours».
Did you understand? I hope so.
She likes sport clothes. She wears (?) suit and high heeded shoes
She likes sportswear. She wears a suit and high quality shoes
Hello Encarni,
We can say «sportswear» or «sports clothes» or even «sports clothing». We cannot forget «s» when we write «sport» because the adjective «deportivo/a» is «sports» in English.
With respect to your correction «high quality shoes» of the mistake «high heeded shoes», I consider that the student meant (quiso decir) «tacones altos», that is (es decir), «high-heeled shoes» or simply «high heels» or even «heels». There are 3 different options we can use for «tacones altos», but taking into account (teniendo en cuenta) how the English language works, «High heels» or «heels» will probably be more common in everyday language. Remember this rule of English: «The fewer words you can use to express something, the better» (Cuantas menos palabras puedas usar para expresar algo, mejor)
I am going to talk about routine my best friend on Friday.
I am going to write about my best friend´s routine on Friday.
Great corrections!
My best friend is Marta, she is a lawyer and she works from Monday to Thursday
My best friend is Marta. She is a lawyer and she works from Monday to Thursday
Correct!
she usually has a cup of te and lots fruits
she usually has a cup of tea and a lot of fruits
Correct! Just to let you know that we can say «a lot of fruit(s)» or «lots of fruit(s)»
After breakfast, she wears jeans, (?) T-shirt, and sneakers because she likes sport clothes.
After breakfast, she wears jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers because she likes sports clothes.
Correct!
To conclude, I think Marta has a very tired and stressed routine, but she loves it.
To conclude, I think Marta has a very tired and stress routine, but she loves it.
Hello Carlos,
I am afraid your corrections are not right! Go on the post «Going further 1» (Ve a la entrada «Going further I) and read the information given in number 6 «Difference between «relaxed» and «relaxing». Then, try to correct again.
I’m looking forward to receiving your new correction!
Regards,
Pilar
To conclude, I think Marta has a very tiring and stressing routine, but she loves it.
Hello Carlos:
«stressing» doesn´t exist. How do we say in English «estresante»? Look up a dictionary if you don´t know and you will correct the mistake you made.
Hello Pilar:
I have looking the word in a dictionary and it is stressful in English. But now, I don’t know if I should put stressful or stressfulling.
To conclude, I think Marta has a very tiring and stressfulling routine, but she loves it.
Stressful!
…. she has a duty day on Friday, so she says her favourite day of the week is Friday.
…. she has a day off on Friday, so …..
Excellent!
We can also say «…she has an off-duty day/a day off duty on Friday»
she has a health life.
She has a healthy life.
Correct!
Then, she goes to the kitchen to has breakfast,
Then, she goes to the kitchen to have breakfast.
Correct!
besides (?) she has a health life.
… , besides, she has a healthy life.
Hello,
«Besides» is a connector, so we need to use a comma after «Besides». Anyway, we have two alternartives before writing the connector in terms of punctuation that we also need to know:
1) ;besides,
2) .Besides,
[she takes her dog and she likes running until eight o’clock.]
She walks her dog and she likes to run until eight o’clock.
Hello,
Your new sentence is correct, but let me explain that both «and she likes running…» and «and she likes to run..» are correct. The problem with this sentence is that in the previous sentence we mention a routine, so we need to continue mentioning a routine and not a like (no un gusto) . We can mention a like (un gusto) to give a reason why we do something as a routine.
In short, it is more coherent to have said (haber dicho):
«she takes her dog for a walk/walks her dog and then she runs until eight o’clock because she likes running in the morning.»
Stressed –> stressing because it’s a adjective used to describe a situation
Hello Carmen,
«Stressing» doesn´t exist in English. There is an exception with the adjective coming from «stress» used to describe a situation. As I said to Carlos, one of your partners, look up a good dictionary and check how to say in English «estresante».
maybe stressful?
Correct!
from Monday to Thursdays.
from Monday to Thursday.
Exact!
she up on facebook
she checks Facebook
That´s not correct! She meant «ella las sube a Facebook», which is «she uploads them on Facebook».