Writing C1.1 (Sample)

Here is a writing our student, Marián de Castro, did in relation to a future world conflict. The mark of this written task is 50.

It goes without saying that currently there are a large number of countries which are going through a really picky > deep economic and social crisis, and (?) > to top it off (informal), > we are seeing how the world is come > coming to a standstill, facing an unprecedented health crisis. That is why, > – I (personalization) cannot help to figuring out that all this will bring along >about bloody conflicts in the future.

 At first glance, we are supposed to live in a globalized and civilized world, yet,  > and our rulers are known to be individuals who only seek their own benefit, and on top of this> that (informal) ,  from my standpoint, it is their lack of honesty and ambition that brings > bring about that countries are in continuous conflicts between them> continuous conflicts among countries.

Clearly, to my way of thinking, it is politicians who have the responsibility to prevent a third world war. If I (personalization) were in their shoes(?) >, I (personalization) would always be willing to support any peace agreement.  On top of this > that, we cannot overlook the fact that currently, >- a great number of countries, > – are rearming with chemical weapons, > ; therefore, it is powerful countries which have to join forces in order to prevent it, > – because it would bring awful consequences.

 To cut a long story short, we are living in a turbulent and scrambled > troubled world where the way forward depends on our rulers, > ; notwithstanding, I (personalization) hope they are be  able to come up with  effective solutions before to hit > hitting rock bottom (informal)

Task fulfillment: 5 

No title, register is not completely formal as there are some informal words/expressions/ connectors and occasional personalization. Partial fulfillment of the task (e.g. Einstein´s statement is not tackled).

The mark of this criterion is based on the absence of title and  the fact that the student does not tackle the issue of «Einstein´s statement». The fact that the student has made use of informal advanced terms/expressions/connectors (probably to show she is familiar with advanced expressions) and the issue of personalization have not been key to marking this evaluation criteria with 5. Yet it is my duty to let the student know that she made use of informal language and personalized her formal writing occasionally, which is not common in formal writing. 

Cohesion and Coherence: 10

Coherent ideas. Incorrect use of commas. Advanced connectors, one connector used incorrectly (e.g. yet),  one connector written wrongly (e.g. On top of *this)

Grammar: 10 

Grammar of the level without mistakes (e.g. cleft sentences, personal passive constructions)

Some basic mistakes which do not affect comprehension (e.g. is come//e.g. before to hit//e.g. cannot help to figuring out//e.g. are be able//e.g lack of honesty and ambition that brings about)

Vocabulary: 25

Advanced terms used coherently (e.g. it goes without saying//e.g. a large number of//e.g. come to a standstill//e.g. phrasal verbs : come up with, figure out//e.g. unprecedented//e.g.individuals//e.g. seek//e.g. standpoint//e.g. bloody conflicts//e.g. at first glance//e.g. be willing to//e.g. overlook//e.g. join forces//e.g. rearming//e.g. effective//to cut a long story short//e.g the way forward//e.g. turbulent//e.g. be in their shoes//e.g. hit rock bottom.

Some mistakes with advanced terms (e.g. *top it off//e.g. bring about -verb pattern-//e.g. On top of *this//e.g. picky/scrambled//e,g, bring along)

One mistake with a basic word (e.g. among/between) 

Repetition of certain words or expressions